Special Delivery

In the middle of last year, our loyal, and very capable newspaper delivery person gave up her route. For years, the daily rag was dutifully placed on our front porch, in the rack under the mailbox. Her replacement announced the change by throwing the paper, in a pink plastic bag, at the base of the driveway. An enclosed note informed us that because of safety concerns and lack of lighting, the paper would only make it as far as she could fling it out the window of her car.

I've called the newspaper's "Delivery Concerns Line" countless times, e-mailed from the "Customer Service" area of their website, and left messages on the local distribution center machine. They all promised a change, still, every morning, the paper is, sadly, at the base of the driveway.

Our new carrier did manage to risk her safety at Christmas, getting out of her car in our suburban neighborhood (triggering the motion sensor lights for the driveway and sidewalk,) and putting the paper, along with her appeal for a year-end bonus, ON THE FRONT PORCH. My first idea was to put some cash in a pink bag, and tell her she'd find it somewhere near our driveway. My second idea was to write her a letter with the proposal that if she could get the paper to the porch, I would re-instate her generous monthly tip. I went with option #2.

This morning the paper was on the porch(!) along with a green rural route box (pictured above) and a metal stake. A handwritten note told me to put up the box where I wanted the paper to be delivered so there wouldn't be any confusion. Apparently "on the front porch" isn't specific enough. Time to get out the tools!


One of my favorites is the Post Pounder that Charmaine's dad crafted from a piece of pipe, with a solid cap welded on one end. Just slip over the post of your choice and pound away. It's quite hefty, and got the job done quickly.

An 'L' bracket attaches to the post, and the box slips onto that.

Voila! This is where I will expect the paper to be every day. It's such a competitive media market, why would my carrier think I want to pad all the way down my driveway every morning to get the news, when I can just turn on the radio, TV, or computer, already in my house? Besides, on rainy or snowy mornings, those others aren't soaked and un-usable.

Not to be cynical, but my guess is the paper will never make it to the box. Watch for the results of the first week next Wednesday.